But More Importantly, Let's Talk About Me

Enough of this politics crap, am I right? You all want to know what's going down with Susan B. So, a recap:

-I'm leaving my job at the end of the month. Which totally means I should finally ask out my workplace crush, and I totally won't.
-Goddamn he is dreamy. His smile is Obama-calibre, but with the addition of crinkly, twinkly eyes.
-Due to the anxiety caused by quitting my job, I've been smoking pot every night just to fall asleep. Which basically works, though I am kept up an extra hour by the fact that the pot makes me really horny, and I am visited by visions of the non-sugarplum variety. Last night it was S&M fantasies of surprising ferocity.
-Karaoke birthday party was this weekend. My dad got adorably trashed, took the mic, and sang along with every song. Even ones he didn't know. Even "Let Me Blow Ya Mind." I've discovered my new jam, and it is "Special" from Avenue Q.
-I'm mentally preparing myself for a party two weeks from now at which way too many Guys I've Slept With will probably be present. I attempted to secure a female beard*, to no avail. So instead I'm going to re-wear my birthday party dress, which should honestly do the trick in terms of not feeling like a self-conscious tool.
-My longish-distance friend and I have vowed that we will not see each other again until we once again look as skinny as we do in my Facebook profile photo. I have yet to formulate any strategies for achieving this goal, but Time Out New York recommends chasing pigeons.
-Having been blown off by that guy I made out with has for some reason awoken the old urge to have sex with someone random in some bathroom somewhere. And the night I started having these thoughts, the Guy I Flirt With But Should Totally Not Hook Up With made a joke about us having sex in the bathroom, so I'm seriously in trouble. Also, he is the first guy's roommate.
-It occurs to me that the reason the encounter has triggered these thoughts is that this guy was supposed to be a fix-up and total Boyfriend Material, and since that was a flop I'm kind of going, "Screw you, guys who are Boyfriend Material! This scene is lame-and-a-half! I'm out of here!" And the roommate, I'm told, doesn't date Jews, which is maybe what makes him appealing because I know upfront how things would go**.
-Also, after a disturbingly long time not doing so, I've started masturbating again, and I realized I haven't posted much on masturbation so I should probably get on that.
-This guy I hooked up with forever ago, and hate for various reasons (I NEVER hate guys for simply not wanting to date me, but there were some serious Circumstances here) found out that I hate him, and now doesn't want to be around me, and at first I felt really bad and pathetic about this but then I learned more about how he discovered I hated him and I felt better because it was sort of exactly how I hoped it would happen. I am SO not used to these long-term vindictive feelings but I guess it happens to plenty of people at some point.

That's all for now.


*Cuz a male beard would just be pathetic!
**Not to imply that I could actually get this guy's pants off. Let's not jinx things.