[sic]
While we all know I can be pretty macho, and rebel against stereotypes and whatnot, there is at least one time I am undeniably, lamentably, a total fucking girl: when reading a short email from a guy I just hooked up with.
Yes, rather than spending today being Thankful, I have mostly spent it staring at three sentences on a computer screen going, "WTF does that mean?!?!" I'm sure in reality the meaning of all such emails is perfectly clear*, but those two X chromosomes conspire, like a devil and angel over my shoulders, to drive me mad. Only the angel is kind of a bitch. For example:
Devil X: Cmon, you know you want to email him back. Do it! What if he really does like you, but he's worried you don't like him? Then you'll have missed your chance! Email him!
Angel X: Um, if he liked you he would've tried to see you. But he doesn't. Because you're fat.
Devil X: Maybe that ambiguous phrase he used is a British thing.
Angel X: Maybe you should lose five pounds.
So yeah, that's fun. Love those two.
Seriously, dear readers: do guys not do this? I'm told that they don't, but I thought I'd turn to you for confirmation. Do you withhold your feelings out of uncertainty and fear of rejection? Do you "play it cool" when you feel anything but? Do you reread emails in five different tones of voice to see how many of them the words fit, and harass all your friends over the significance of prepositions and modifying clauses?
Sorry for all the body-hatred, by the way. In fact I think my lack of citizenship might be more of an issue in this case, but why be rational at a time like this?
*"He's just not that into me."
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Gender Is Density
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Chicks I Like, And Would Like To Be
This weekend I met Thea Sharrock.
She is an awesome director. Most recently, she directed the revival of Equus currently on Broadway, starring Daniel Radcliffe and Richard Griffiths. She is 31 years old. (Possibly 32.) She was Artistic Director of the Southwark Playhouse when she was 24. Peter Hall talked her into directing Blithe Spirit. There are rumors that she might be the next Artistic Director of the Royal National Theatre. She has a wedding ring and a baby. (Both of which I saw.) She looks incredible.
31 years old.
She came to my school to lead a weekend-long workshop on Noël Coward, which we directors got to attend. She is wonderful--very open and intelligent and nice, and the workshop was great. She was particularly nice to the directors--we were told we'd be observing silently, but she totally made us act, which was a lot of fun.*
So, this woman is living the dream. It is awe-inspiring, and also just plain inspiring. It is also, of course, very very intimidating. I am almost 27! I was already focusing on the fact that I should've written "Thunder Road" by now--now I know I also should've run a reputable theater. Of course, Sharrock has been in theatre school since she was nine, so that gives her a bit of a head start. But the strange part is that working with her put the idea in my head that, for professional purposes, I really do need to lose about 20 lbs. Go figure.
The thing is, I was told YEARS ago that "a woman can't succeed as a director in [New York] unless she's a lesbian." It was clarified for me that it didn't matter with whom you were actually sleeping, but it was important to seem pretty dykey. Sharrock did not seem dykey per se, but she definitely looked like what I realized was my concept of the quintessential Female Director: dark jeans, white T, flat ankle boots, no make-up whatsoever. We directors get head shots at the end of the year, and the word is that they encourage us to cultivate a persona--most of last year's head shots scream "I AM A DIRECTOR." My flatmate is horrified by this, but I'm looking forward to it. I definitely plan to push my Knowing Tough Girl self-image.
I will almost certainly be wearing make-up, however. Cross your fingers that this doesn't ruin my career.
*For me at least. At least one of my compatriots wanted the floor to swallow him up. Thea Sharrock seemed to appreciate this.
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