26 Years of Enfranchisement!

Well, it's been two weeks, because I've been sitting around being angsty about work. But what better way to return to my duties than...on my birthday! Yep, happy birthday to me. It is fitting, because last night I was thinking a bit about my birthday suit. That's right--it's body image time! So, here's what occurred to me for the first time: I don't hate my body. Obviously, we all have a few things we'd like to change about ourselves, and we all have what I like to call Bad Face Days, but all in all I actually kind of like my body.

But. (What, you weren't expecting a but?) I realize that I assume OTHER people hate my body. While I enjoy my curves and my soft spots, I know that they don't fit into what I'm actually supposed to look like. I think people should find me attractive...but I don't expect them to. Yes yes, of course I have friends who try to convince me I'm hot, but they tend to be people who love me and/or people who have girlfriends*, so I don't believe them. So when I look in the mirror and want to cry, it's not because I hate my body--it's because I hate myself for not changing my body when I feel that would improve my life.

But that, of course, is exactly why I have a hard time committing to any more diet and exercise than I've already done. (I lost 20 lbs. sophomore year of college through healthy means, it was nice.) I would be losing weight for some hypothetical other person I don't even quite believe in, for the sake of ideals I decry on this very blog.

Maybe this is not the happiest birthday thought, but it does make me feel better--both to realize I like my body, and to realize there's actually a kind of good reason I can't bring myself to weigh and measure my food. So I will not feel guilty about the mom-made yellow cake with chocolate frosting I will be eating tonight. Even though in some way maybe I should.


*Guys who have girlfriends are really good at thinking I'm hot while they're unavailable, then avoiding me like the plague as soon as they're single again. On bad days, I think of guys-who-have-girlfriends as my nemeses. Particularly guys-who-have-girlfriends-who-are-out-of-town-at-the-moment.