Okay, okay. You guys know how much I love Feministing. What's not to love about a group of cool young feminists telling it like it is with some of the most articulate and intelligent analysis on the web*? But I specifically want to give props to their resilience. As most bloggers know, people's comments are not always encouraging. And when you're a blog like Feministing, forget it--they get the most awful, ludicrous, threatening, poorly spelled emails you can imagine. This is particularly true because of their regular "Friday Feminist Fuck You" feature...on YouTube. It is awesome, check out their YouTube channel.
These women get a ton of nasty comments--and, every now and then, nasty, unfunny video responses**. They get attacked for their appearances (both on the "you're ugly" and "I want to fuck you" ends of the spectrum), for being "sluts" and baby killers (even when the posts have nothing to do with abortion), and in general how feminists are ruining America and these ladies need to get laid/back in the kitchen. And the Feministing ladies don't bat an eye.
They probably do in private. And there's a particularly great video saying Fuck You to internet misogynists. But they don't let it get them down. They post on and make no apologies for pissing anyone off. Because they shouldn't. Because they have this tendency to be right. And I admire that***.
I could go on and on about Feministing and how they embody the Third Wave (globalist, multicultural, pro-sex, responsible and intellectual, etc) but that is silly because they're a well-known established blog and it's not like I'm sharing some unique discovery of mine. But they still deserve crazy amounts of respect.
And just to leave you on a positive note, Here's a "Feminist Non-Fuck You" that includes a wonderful, inspiring letter from a 13-year-old girl. Just to show that feminism is not now, nor is it like to be, dead.
*I know, not exactly a heavyweight competition, but even if it were these women would win the belt.
**One of which actually started out seeming like it was in support, and I was tricked into rating it highly before it turned into a lame screed on how feminists and abuse victims need to shut their mouths. So, watch videos in their entirety before you rate them, is my advice.
***Especially as someone who blogs under a pseudonym. The reason for that, of course, is that I don't want perspective employers to google me and read about semen in my nose. Which is a paltry excuse, but there you have it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Salute To Bravery
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Magic Of The Internet...
Right after finishing that last post, I went over to PostSecret and saw this:
...I'm glad to know I'm not the only one thinking about these things.
Hillary And Michelle: Presidential Paper Dolls
I've noticed on Facebook that some of my friends have become "supporters" of Michelle Obama. Though I truly admire Ms. Obama, in all her 5'11", fiercely-intelligent, jacked-badass-lawyer glory, fervor for her gives me a bit of a facial tic, and I'll tell you why:
Go back 16 years and all you have to do is change the names--we're talking about Hillary Clinton.
People say the same things about her that they did about Clinton back in the day--you even heard it a bit about Elizabeth Edwards before her husband dropped out. My favorite quote is always, "I wish I could vote for HER." Y'know, instead of her husband. MICHAEL MOORE said this about Ms. Clinton once. So while it's only hyperbole, sure, we endorse the first ladies. But if two administrations from now, Lady Michelle tries to run on her own? I guarantee you the coats will turn. While in the 90's even the damn Animaniacs joked about Hillary being smarter than Bill*, now it's all about how people ACTUALLY wish they could re-elect the first Clinton--or how they're afraid that if Hillary won, Bill would be running things, even though the opposite joke used to be canon.
And right now you can even see Obama's lame attempts to soften her own image for those on the other side of the spectrum. While she guest-hosts The View and talks about how she has NO interest in policy decisions**, HRC once did the morning show route with her COOKIE RECIPE. Which is standard fare for first lady hopefuls--even Teresa Heinz had to make some reporter a batch of scones***.
I don't know which end holds the problems--are people fooling themselves when they say they'd vote for the wife, to convince themselves they're feminists, or are they right to espouse the theory and merely cowardly when it comes to the reality? Honestly, I think we just feel uncomfortable--we see brilliant, powerful, accomplished women like Clinton and Obama and Edwards, and feel guilty about the fashion-tipping, pastry-baking, literacy-promoting ghetto to which they must consign themselves.
It brings to mind the various vocational Barbies. We feel good about seeing that unavoidable blonde as an astronaut or surgeon or what the hell ever, because we like the idea of setting that example. But if you ask people to draw a picture of a NASA hero or a doctor, I can tell you what those drawings ain't gonna look like. In our nation's hearts, we still think the likes of Clinton and Obama will seem more at home behind the wheel of a pink plastic convertible, the word "Malibu" in front of their names. So spare me the bullshit. You're a FAN of Michelle Obama, not a supporter. What're you supporting, the legality of her marriage? Anything else rings hollow, and it's salt in the wound, hearing these lies now that we all know that's what they are. There's nothing wrong with wanting Michelle Obama to be president, it just has to be TRUE. So color me disillusioned.
It beats bright pink.
*From the "Presidents" song: "Now in Washington D.C./There's the Democrats and the G.O.P./But the one in charge is plain to see/It's Clinton, first name Hillary." Also there was a bit in a "Pinky and the Brain" sketch.
**YEAH. RIGHT.
***Oh, and pretend her last name is Kerry. But I digress.
Friday, June 20, 2008
More Love/Hate With SATC
So, I'm still funemployed* and the roommate has purchased the complete series of Sex and the City**. I just watched "What Goes Around Comes Around" and had that old familiar feeling--part of the episode made me go, "that is so my life," and another part made me go "ugh."
The first part, of course, concerned Miranda. An extremely handsome detective is totally into her, and she's so intimidated by the fact that he's "out of her league" that she ends up getting sloppy-drunk on a date and convincing him she's an alcoholic. Har. This is a problem she has more than once--suspiciously hot guy genuinely likes her and she somehow messes it up***. Which sometimes makes me roll my eyes, because guys who are hotter than me are sort of my favorites. I don't always know what's wrong with their eyes, but I shrug my shoulders and capitalize. But then Miranda drunkenly roars this:
"I'm no Mena Suvari, but I'm great in bed!"
First of all: Mena Suvari? So random, thus adorable. Also, I TOTALLY relate to that. The whole "compensation" thing. When I say it to myself, I tend to say it with genuine confidence--it DOES make up the difference, I think--but there's still the need to say it.
And then Samantha fucks a virgin and he falls ridiculously in love. Blah. Some of us virgins were totally capable of having an awesome first time without getting artificially attached.****
Look! A whole post and I never once needed "I had to wonder..." Suck it, Bradshaw.
*Though I'm moving to London in September to go to grad school so woot!
**And has given me carte blanche to blame its presence in our apartment on her should any gentleman callers balk.
***Though another time the guy seems to like her BECAUSE she doesn't know she's hot, and when her self-esteem gets boosted he bails. Yes, I'm a Miranda buff.
****Though, to be fair, the one time I know that I slept with a virgin, he did seem to get at least sort of attached.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Auto(erotic?)backpatting
I'd just like to point out to everyone the new Surfing the Third Wave avatar. Why? Well, because it was an embarrassingly long time in the making. Please enjoy it thoroughly.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Chicks I Like: Grey Hoodie Edition
If you read the blogs I do, you'll have heard the name Sarah Haskins before--she is a web-wide girl crush for the eFeminist set. I, too, have fallen hard. She is the creator and star of a new feature on Current TV called Target: Women. Humorously taking on the ridiculous ways in which the media try to interact with women, her most recent topics have been bridal shows and the McCain/Obama showdown for HRC's supporters. But most of us first came to know her and love her for one reason: yogurt. Enjoy.
"Sweet Lady New York, you're the fifth whore at this table."
So, someone from Feministing didn't like the Sex and the City movie, which is not so interesting unto itself, but it did remind me of the only SATC spoof I've seen that I actually liked: an old SNL skit featuring Christina Aguilera as Samantha. Xtina is the best part of the skit, but the whole thing is pretty good--Amy Poehler's expressions of shock are very SJP. I hope you all enjoy. Yay puns!
Friday, June 13, 2008
A Fond Farewell (For The Moment, Anyway)
Well, what kind of a feminist blogger would I be if I had nothing to say at this point on Hillary Clinton?
(I have a better photo on my computer at home, I'll switch it up later. If you image-google her, you'll find that most of what comes up are intentionally unflattering.)-Assuming she isn't tapped for VP (I really cannot predict if she will be or not), let's address this "Clinton supporters will vote McCain" mishegos. That is crazytalk. No one who believes in anything Clinton stands for, and is politically aware enough to be that vehement, would vote for McCain. The election is not until November. In a month everyone will have calmed down and the Democrats will have reunited. If she's not Obama's running mate, Clinton might still campaign for him, and will at least be vocal in her support--as she already is. It might be true that some die-hard Clintonistas might just not drag their asses to the polls, but make the effort to go and then vote for the horribly anti-reproductive-rights McCain? Okay maybe the racists, but only the really motivated racists.
-I'm waiting for people to start talking about what a bad campaign she ran, how miserably she lost. Hell, they were talking about it while it was still happening. You know who lost miserably? Edwards. Huckabee. Giuliani. The people who didn't last more than a few states. Remember Mitt Romney? Yeah, me neither. So if you hear anyone talking about Hillary getting her ass handed to her, remind them HOW MANY TIMES the pundits thought THIS primary, FINALLY, would settle things...and then the next morning we were no clearer. They were neck-a-neck for a long time. Respect.
-There's a whole list of powerful female politicians--governors and the like--on whom we should keep our eye for future bids. (I'll add it later, I'm running out of internet time here at the hostel.) Megan Carpentier pointed out how incredible it is that a woman ran as the establishment candidate--I think (hope) that Clinton herself is right about having cracked that glass ceiling.
Oh, there will be a next time.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Conquistadoras
I am writing to you from London this week, and in my downtime at the hostel I occasionally get to reminiscing about the time I lived here for a bit. Specifically, my sexual exploits. Oh sure, there were other fun things involving theatre and grizzled blues musicians and friendly squatter junkies taking me in, but mostly, dear readers, I expect you want to hear about the sex. We're kindred spirits that way.
I always remember this show I saw freshman or sophomore year at college. It was a student-written documentary performance piece--yknow, like The Vagina Monologues, based on actual personal stories people had told the writer--and it was called Conquistadoras. The subject matter? Young American women traveling abroad and having lots of sex.
I then remember, when in London, flipping through a humor book at a store--the subject was how to pick up people of various nationalities, with tips on both men and women. In the section on how to pick up American women, all it said was, "Don't worry. They'll pick you up." So that is the reputation we have over here. And it's not undeserved, I think--as they play posited, being a broad abroad* is very liberating. It gives us a sense of sexual freedom to find ourselves without context, without consequence. Perhaps we're even deindividuated a bit--freed from our own identities.
So, my story? I lost my virginity just before the end of sophomore year of college**, and just before junior year started, I changed my mind about school and ran off to London on a temporary work visa. So there I was, having had sex like three times in my life, and suddenly I exploded. I was there less than two weeks when I had my first encounter--a Kiwi I picked up at a dance party at my friend's hostel. Then there was the Canadian who was visiting my friends, the drummer from Rome who played at the bar we frequented, two different Brits (both club pick-ups, the latter of whom I actually dated) and a surprise American***.
So, 6 guys in 7 months. A personal best not to be challenged for another 5 years. When I went back to school, college boys proved very disappointing--in that they did not seem that willing to be picked up. Maybe it was American standards of beauty (Brits don't seem to mind curves), or maybe being an American Girl gave me the sexy caché that book implied...or maybe my anonymity, my untethered floating in the sea of Europe, made me more vibrant, more active, less afraid of rejection. I certainly struck out plenty of times--and I do better in New York than I did in college, as well.**** So I suppose I'm just better at scoring--fucking, loving, the lot--when there are no boxes to break out of. Perhaps I internalize others' pre-conceived notions of me, and can only truly feel attractive when people don't have them, when people don't immediately know the basics of who I am and what my story is. Because in situations where identity is preestablished, the risk of rejection is higher, and so are the stakes--it is that very preestablished identity that is rejected.
Or maybe America just needs to let us fuck already.
Heh.
**And, like two weeks later, lost my girl-virginity as well.
***I say surprise because we were making out before we actually heard each others' accents.
****Even with people who WENT to my college.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Depth Vs. Breadth
["Quantity vs. Quality" doesn't work for several reasons, including its being depressing.]
I must sometimes, reluctantly, face the fact that having had a lot of partners doesn't necessarily mean having had a lot of sex. Once, I told a friend my number* and she did in fact say, "That's a lot of sex!" But it's simple math--if you're in a long-term relationship, you're probably having sex a few times a week for years; if you're like me, you're having sex once every month or so, plus those little two-month islands in which you're actually dating someone. I'll wait while you run those numbers.
Yeah. Exactly.
I suppose I've never had extensive hands-on tutelage--at least not with the same mentor/equipment. So sometimes when I get into a naked situation I feel a bit...remedial. This is especially true when it's not a one-nighter, or when I'm with someone whom I know has had long-term relationships. While I've tried a lot of different things--usually more than your average single-digit-history person--I'm not necessarily proficient at any one of them.
This is mostly paranoia. The things I have little practice with are usually the advanced or novelty kind of practices, which most people do not expect you to be expert about. And while I think I am probably pretty good at most of this stuff, and have a good attitude towards sex (which is important), I do get self-conscious about technique**.
So, be encouraging. Even sluts get performance anxiety.
*Back when it was only ten!
**Especially when it comes to oral.
A Traitor To My People
My people, of course, being third-wave pro-sex feminist women. I say specifically women because, well, this post is about my vagina. Namely: the fact that I don't know it that well. My vulva and I are good friends, but the inside stuff is more of a mystery.
This came to my attention recently because my roommate uses Instead cups rather than tampons*. She offered me some to try, and, at least six months later, the box is still sitting on my dresser, untouched. Frankly, I'm afraid that if I use one I won't be able to get it out. I mean, Carrie Bradshaw's diaphragm got stuck once, and she's used to using one!
I admit it, I'm a little squeamish down there. I masturbate a lot**, but I generally use vibrators or massage shower heads or that Vibrance razor I once bought because I was going on vacation and that's all CVS had left***. I also usually use some sort of penetrative device (I hate the word "dildo"), but I rarely use my fingers. My hand simply does not arouse me--plus it's hard to focus on giving pleasure and receiving pleasure at the same time**** and it distracts from the process worrying about my own prowess. No one wants to worry they're bad in bed while they're in bed with just themselves.
It's a chicken-and-egg thing: do I not masturbate with my fingers because I'm squeamish, or am I squeamish because I don't masturbate with my fingers? Whichever the reason, it makes me feel kind of bad. I'm supposed to be a proponent of vagina power. And I am. But a Good Feminist should know her own anatomy, right? Female genitals are, culturally, regarded as very mysterious--a sort of sexual Rubik's Cube. And it's true I get off pretty easily, and only need to explain so much to my gentleman callers, but what about my lady callers? If I don't even interact directly with my clitoris that often, leaving it up to something inanimate, how do I effectively please a girl?
In short, and to be blunt, I wish I were more comfortable sticking my fingers inside myself. For reasons both practical and theoretical. Perhaps that will be my Second Half of the Year's resolution.
PS: I know I haven't posted in forever. I tried to make up for it with extra footnotes.
*She gave me permission to say this on my blog. Though that was awhile ago so I hope she remembers.
**You're shocked.
***It worked! Though it required some will power. I removed the blade, obviously.
****The 69 position? Overrated. Not bad, just a little silly.
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