I was just, for some random reason, rereading an old Nerve book review about one of those novels in which men are awful and this is cool because it's just being honest about how all men are awful. The book review doesn't really make it clear whether anyone should read this book, but it linked me to a letter that the book's editor sent out (which led to a whole other shenanigan) that began thusly:
Do you agree with the following statement? Guys still want to bang every girl they see in the most pornographic manner possible, and girls still think that “not all guys are like that.”
This reminded me of the 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back because I thumbed through He's Just Not That Into You. While I don't find the concept of this latter book so repulsive, here's why I threw it down in disgust: what's with this conceit that all guys are the same? It seems to make sense until you think for a second and ask yourself...how could you possibly know whether or not all guys are the same? What if some guys were different and you JUST DIDN'T KNOW THEM? And other things to that affect. Do I claim to know with certainty how all women think? No. And yet I'm looked upon with a derisive chuckle if I dare to think that some guys are not necessarily like some other guys. Whatsisname who wrote The Average American Male and whatsisname who wrote He's Just Not That Into You know guys who are like them. They clearly don't know most of MY guy friends, who have meangingful long-term relationships with women they love and desire. (Unless OHMYGOD THEY ARE LIVING A LIE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SOCIETY WANTS OBVI!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE AWESOME GIRL YOU THINK LIKE BUT REALLY DON'T, TRUST ME!!!!) Ahem. So where does this come from, this condescending attitude that if you think there are some guys who actually like love, you're foolin' yourself babe?
(Full disclosure, I did in fact read ALL of Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him, Either. What can I say, it was a bad January. And that book was written by a guy who was all, Hey, some of us like relationships, so stop wasting time with the jerks who, rather than being LIKE ALL MEN, are jerks! Cuz jerks are jerks! So that was cool.)
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3 comments:
I didn't find that, "He's Just Not That Into You" operates under the assumption that all guys just want pussy. On the contrary, the author constantly tells the reader that any man who doesn't want her is crazy and that no woman should waste her time with a bad one when there are plenty of relationship-loving good ones out there. I don't think the point of the book was to make women think that men only want sex. Rather, I think it's goal was to 1) help distinguish the player from the lover and 2) boost the self-esteem of the girl who deep-down realizes that her man doesn't really dig her but is too afraid/in love to do what's best for herself and cut him loose.
I like the book's premise.
Maybe I misread, or am thinking of a different book. I'll check and get back to you.
@kim:
I reread some excerpts on Amazon, and stand by my original opinion. NO MAN has ANY REASON not to actively ask you on a date if he's interested in you--I think that's particularly not true, since many of the guys I know can be spineless and clueless. (And asking people out is hard!)
But yeah, I was a little harsh on the book, which has the generally productive message of STOP TAKING BULLSHIT. Which we all need to do. (Need evidence? See Jezebel's regular "Crap Email from a Dude" feature.
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