(Yes, I put a 'u' in the above. I think I get a few months' grace period where I'm allowed to use Anglicisms and British spellings as I see fit. I'd be chuffed if you'd humour me.)
On Friday, Dan Savage did a great on-line Q&A via The Stranger's blog, The Slog*. He responds to a question from a lesbian who wants to do something cheap but special on Valentine's Day with her girlfriend--not just staying in and having sex, which they do plenty of. Part of Dan's response:
"$20 will get you a nice bottle of wine -- get a prosecco, sparkling Italian wine that is 1. cheap and 2. suddenly everywhere. And then go someplace homantic and sit together and drink the booze."
My emphasis.
Okay, it's obviously a typo, but "homantic" is my new favourite** word. I think it's perfect for people who'd like to mix in some scratch marks and lube with their hearts and flowers. You could apply it to serious couples who met at, say, a sex club, and are returning there for their 25th anniversary. So homantic! Or should you ever get down on one knee and propose marriage, ring in hand, to someone still chained to the wall from their flogging--that'd be totally homantic! Especially if you both agree to put the video on YouTube.
Any suggestions for a good homantic Valentine's Day? Leave them in the comments.
*Does one italicize blog titles?
**Okay, last time.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
My New Favourite Word
Monday, July 28, 2008
Mythbuster: Reverse Sexism And Heterophobia
I'll cut to the chase: recent events have brought out my gay. I have realized over the course of the past few months that I am more bi than I gave myself credit for. And I am seriously craving some lady action*. Sapphic novice that I am, I have made very little headway, and before I start negging and demonstrating value and wearing fuzzy hats, I thought I'd check out the W4W section of craigslist. That is where I shattered my own preconception...
Myth: Lesbians on CL are classier than straight dudes on CL.
Not so, my friend. Case in point, the post that is right now at the very top of the page, in its entirety:
"im goin 2 make this short and sweet i want to have a good clean time with a sexy femme wit nice big tits. i am 20 years old my body type is barbie/model and im very freaky, DISEASE FREE AS U SHOULD B AND i love women and love pussy!!!!i want 2 meet up 2nite so if u wanna play email tag and nothing more please dont waste my time.NO GAMES,NO MEN.PLEASE NO MEN!!!please b able 2 host!!!!"
Yes, like their straight counterparts, lezzie CLers are addicted to abbrevs, ALL CAPS, and model-esque physiques. They also like to post photos of their butts. Ok, some of these ads were probably posted by straight dudes POSING as lesbians, but it can't be ALL of them.
So, my apologies to all demographics involved. Lesbians are people too--and people make asses of themselves on craigslist**.
Of course, there are still many fine ladies posting ads written in full sentences that made them sound like actual people. I found myself extremely turned on by a post titled "Music? Zines? Feminist? Looking for a Riot Grrl. - 24 (East Village)," by a self-described "cute punk boi," which included the sentence, "My pants have paint stains." If I were remotely cool enough, I'd have replied in a second.
Girls are so intimidating.
*Add to this my waning interest in the opposite sex, which has been going on far longer--to borrow from Tracy Letts, it seems that I don't believe in guys, as though they are something to be disbelieved.
**Sometimes literally, what with the butt photos.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Friday Opinion Poll
True or False:
-Guys are pickier about the attractiveness of people they date than about the attractiveness of people they just hook up with (because whatever, it's just one time).
-Whereas girls are pickier about the attractiveness of hook-ups than about the attractiveness of people they date (because if you're actually dating someone, personality and such things are also factors).
?
Discuss.
Monday, January 7, 2008
All Years' Resolutions
Looking at Nerve's "Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007," one thing jumped out:
4. If you suspect a guy is blowing you off, he is. No matter what your friends say.
This is SOOOO not news but I feel it bears constant repetition. I think my friends and I have learned this lesson to the point that we don't actually try to convince our friends they're not being blown off, but I know I still have that little pipsqueak voice in the back of my head that tries to make excuses. One has to constantly remind oneself that if a guy likes you, he will try to keep you from screwing other guys by at least calling you now and then.
Neighbor Steve was in fact helpful on this front recently, when an attempted set-up by a well-meaning friend resulted in me totally hitting it off with* this guy and then he never called. A few days later (Monday--->Saturday), Neighbor Steve and I, being just about the only ones not out of town for Christmas, went to our local bar for a drink, where there were 3 other people (bartender included). Then, of course, Monday Dude walks in. Awkward wave. That's it.
So, Neighbor Steve and I do the requisite check-in. Did he think Steve and I were on a date? Nah, we were SO not acting datey, which he would've seen had he been looking for signals, and more importantly, if he'd been interested he would've called by then. Did he get an extension due to the holiday weekend? Steve thought a minute and determined that, had he been interested, he should at least have texted me an "R u in town this wk?" Was it because I'm Jewish and he's all Church-Going Master's in Theology? Apparently he has a long history of choosing the Chosen. So, no more excuses: he blew me off. Tant pis. Neighbor Steve was quite indignant on my behalf, which is all a girl can ask.
I will stop here, since I am trying to NOT just go on and on about my life but to actually have a POINT, which is this: we often need reminders of things that we know we should know, but we're only human so sometimes we allow ourselves to forget. The end.
*Fine, "making out with."
How The Other Half Lives
The other night, over birthday drinks, I wound up talking to some friends about compulsive serial monogamy and how in general it is not good. Not a novel stance on our parts, but always a subject worth revisiting. Partway through, I realized that my three comrades were all in longish-term relationships, and were talking about not just what it's like to be single, but about what one has to do in order to be single in a healthy way. It occurred to me that I, in fact, was single, and that in an inadvertent way they were inherently describing what my life needs to be like in order for me to be healthy. Which I do not say negatively--they were, after all, saying good things, and presumably believe that I (basically) live my life as a Good Single.
The thing that struck me, as it always does, was that to some people singledom is something one must work towards. Now, this year I did some dating that was not necessarily awesome but mostly got me over my idea that I am incapable of dating, and that dating is something that other people do. However, it still occasionally blows my mind that, to many people, dating is a default setting. Some people have to learnto be single.
Just below, I discussed my theory that "Some people were born to fuck." Maybe some people are likewise Born To Date. And just as I ought not constantly be fucking, so too is it a good idea for the BTDs among us to chill out now and then. And most of them do. But when a friend of mine, having settled in a few months after moving to New York, said "I think I'm ready to start dating now," it actually spun me a little. It hadn't occurred to me, in practical terms, that dating was a function of readiness. That is, I'd always thought of it as some kind of alchemy that you might stumble into a person whom you not only liked but who-- BY FREAKISH COINCIDENCE--happened also to like you. The odds have always seemed to me very slim that I would like someone who, out of every other person he knew, liked me--and vice versa. It seemed like something that had to just magically happen. Surely there was no element of human willinvolved.
So, perhaps the BTFs and the BTDs can learn from each other. Okay, I actually have no idea what the daters can learn from me, except that maybe when a BTD dates a BTF, ze will know that being sexually active is not a sign of spiritual bankruptcy. I don't know. But I am learning--and, as a New Year's resolution, will continue to learn-- that perhaps I have some agency after all. We shall see.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Internalizing. You know, the way drinking arsenic is like internalizing.
As part of a recent post, I went back and read the Amazon online excerpts of He's Just Not That Into You. As you may remember, I took particular exception to the notion that women should never ask men out because if a man is truly into you, he will ask you out. Always. In a timely fashion. Quoth Greg Behrendt:
Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.)
As I said in my previous post, this is very annoying because most of the guys I know often DO feel nervous and shy, and generally think that asking a girl out is scary*. (That passage is also annoying because he's like "aw gee, men don't rule the world, we're not that competent!" and then uses men-ruling-the-world to support his argument.) Maybe it's a generational thing--Behrendt is 44--but as I've said, I know many couples in which the girl made the first move, many guys who are gun shy when it comes to the daunting Ask Her Out thing, and many guys who find it very cool when girls get the ball rolling.
BUT. In rereading all this, I seem to have internalized it. Yes, Susan has a crush, and her crush is flirting with her, and her friends are urging her to casually suggest the time-tested let's-get-coffee-sometime. But if he were interested in more than just flirting, wouldn't HE have made such a suggestion? This is sort of a workplace crush, and I am sort of higher-status, but just nominally. BUT STILL. Please give me your thoughts, and be brutally honest.
A little context: he is age-appropriate and may or may not know how hot he is.
*Because they are normal human beings and asking someone out is, in fact, FRICKIN' SCARY.
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