Well, the people have spoken. Several of my guy friends emailed me privately (perhaps ashamed?) and assured me that guys, too, obsessively overanalyze emails from romantic/sexual Persons of Interest. No definitive word yet on whether they CRAFT such emails with the same absurd care, but one of these liaisons to the Y Chromosome told me he puts a lot of thought into his text messaging. And I don't know about y'all, but that makes me feel less alone.
Sidenote: I was originally going to title this post, "From The Stallion's Mouth," but it seemed weird and a bit creepy to refer to my male friends as stallions. Though I'm sure they are.
Showing posts with label ANGST. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ANGST. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2008
From The Mouths Of Dudes
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Gender Is Density
[sic]
While we all know I can be pretty macho, and rebel against stereotypes and whatnot, there is at least one time I am undeniably, lamentably, a total fucking girl: when reading a short email from a guy I just hooked up with.
Yes, rather than spending today being Thankful, I have mostly spent it staring at three sentences on a computer screen going, "WTF does that mean?!?!" I'm sure in reality the meaning of all such emails is perfectly clear*, but those two X chromosomes conspire, like a devil and angel over my shoulders, to drive me mad. Only the angel is kind of a bitch. For example:
Devil X: Cmon, you know you want to email him back. Do it! What if he really does like you, but he's worried you don't like him? Then you'll have missed your chance! Email him!
Angel X: Um, if he liked you he would've tried to see you. But he doesn't. Because you're fat.
Devil X: Maybe that ambiguous phrase he used is a British thing.
Angel X: Maybe you should lose five pounds.
So yeah, that's fun. Love those two.
Seriously, dear readers: do guys not do this? I'm told that they don't, but I thought I'd turn to you for confirmation. Do you withhold your feelings out of uncertainty and fear of rejection? Do you "play it cool" when you feel anything but? Do you reread emails in five different tones of voice to see how many of them the words fit, and harass all your friends over the significance of prepositions and modifying clauses?
Sorry for all the body-hatred, by the way. In fact I think my lack of citizenship might be more of an issue in this case, but why be rational at a time like this?
*"He's just not that into me."
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
In Which I Decry Feminism And All Its Teachings
(Yknow, not really. But, Angst Alert!)
So, a lot of grade-A high-school-calibre bullshit this weekend, and I have warned many of my friends that I am officially Not Alright, and will be as such for at least a few days, and they are just going to have to deal with it. Good thing I'm unemployed as of yesterday, because I don't think I could manage my polite phone voice right now. Anyway, I've officially dubbed this week my "Fuck All Y'All!" Week. Which is to say, if you have a problem with my attitude or behavior, guess what? Fuck all y'all. This got started well at karaoke last night, when some underage kids snuck into the bar and STOLE MY FUCKING DRINK while I was about to sing. Since I had the mic, I alerted the entire bar to their heinous crime (not their age, which I wasn't thinking about) and asked that everyone shun them. After I sang (which was perfect, "Hate To Say I Told You So" by The Hives, which is a nice loud song about being superior, and I knocked one of the hoodlum's caps off while singing), they gave me the money I'd demanded in recompense. The kid then asked if I'd buy him a drink and he'd pay me back, and I said, "You haven't earned that. You need to learn some respect." If he'd just asked me from the BEGINNING, instead of being an asshat, I might've helped him out. I later learned that he and his buds had heckled my friend while he was singing, and I'm glad I didn't know that at the time--I would've been angrier, and thus less calm and commanding. (Because as we know, angry women are powerless and gross!)
So, speaking of angry women being powerless and gross, it seems I'm not really interested in the fact that my protracted anger is going to be off-putting. I've decided that no other way I've tried acting up to this point (Rational, Mature, Forgiving, Cool About Things, The Bigger Person, etc) has gotten me anywhere. So now I'm going to try being angry, petty, rude, and vindictive. And I'm human, so it's not that I've never done those things ever, but now it will be without remorse. It seems I'm back in high school anyway, so while I'm starting over I might as well do things differently, right? And really, no one cares about my anger except for me, but I've decided that I count, that me caring is enough to perfectly justify my bad behavior.
And if you don't like it? Guess what! Fuck all y'all.
What has this to do with decrying feminism? Well, I try not to JUST blame everyone else for my problems. So, in turning the gaze inward, I'm thinking about finally just changing my personality, and being someone different who would possibly get things more easily. To do this I would have to stop:
a) eating
b) speaking my mind in any way
c) caring remotely about anyone else
By which I mean all of the above. I really just can't bring myself to start doing coke, though I think that would help with a and c, and giving up b would probably impair my blogging abilities, but isn't that a small price to pay for fitting society's mold? I think so. I would probably have to be more mendacious as well, not just neglecting to speak my mind*, but also actively lying to my friends in order to pretend to myself that I'm a good person. Because some of the bullshit I've been fed recently is about how I'm just TOO good a person, and am special and unique, so that other people's constant lies are supposed to be the healthy, acceptable norm, whereas I'm just inhumanly ABOVE it all, or some such crap. Come on kids, I'm a reasonably good person, but I'm not a saint, and I don't think I'm demanding 110%, as they say, when I expect my friends to speak anything other than lies. You know, now and then. But if that's what pairs people up, I'll just have to practice my bullshitting. Once I'm done with Fuck All Y'All Week.
So, have a good week everyone! It's gonna be a doozy.
*Because come on, strong-willed women? Yuck! A good friend of mine, who actually IS honest with me, says that being strong-willed puts off most of his gender. To him, a chick being strong-willed is a great thing, but I think it's time to stop waiting around for that fictional guy who will appreciate it romantically.
Friday, January 25, 2008
In Case You're Keeping Score
I have cried at my desk twice this week: once for Heath Ledger, once for my own confusing* existence.
TGIF!
*::cough::pathetic::cough::
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