Technical Difficulties

...with my life rather than with this blog.

I learned on Monday that I am in fact NOT eligible for a post-study work visa, or indeed any visa at all. Medium-length boring annoying story. Anyway, I have to return to the States post-haste. The return is a good thing; the required haste is kind of traumatic.

So, I haven't forgotten you, dear readers, and in the next few days I will post again. I have two or three posts half-formed in my head, but writing them will need time and brain cells I cannot at the moment spare.

In other news: Happy Hanukkah!*


*Normally I prefer a C-h beginning, but for this phrasing I like it when the Hs match. If that's something you'd like to ponder further:

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Why It's Been So Long

A year is a long time to be silent. Essentially, I told you all I was going out for a pack of cigarettes, and never came back*. So...why?

The reasons I left off blogging have a lot to do with the reasons I started in the first place. So let's deal with that:

When I moved back to New York there was a bit of a culture shock when I realized that, outside the bubbles of small liberal arts colleges and tight-knit regional theatre communities, not every nice, smart person had the exact same outlook on feminism and gender roles as I. Yeah, you heard me right: that came as a shock. To me it had always been Dumb Sexists versus Smart Feminists, end of story. But, we grow up. We discover that color called grey, we learn that the word "spectrum" applies to more things than rainbows and sexual identity. This blog was a good way to explain and exemplify my principles to the new people in my life, and to express my various frustrations with the world. I had also become sexually active again after a two-year period of abstinence**, which really brought sex into focus for me, making it an important part of my life and, I found, a rich field for exploration and analysis. And my friends seemed to like reading about all that, so, bully for me.

Oh, and also there was this little election going on, during which the subject of gender arose once or twice. You probably wouldn't remember.

Then I moved to London. To a drama grad school. I knew exclusively artists, who do not, for example, give a fuck how many people I sleep with. There were more women on my program than men (though at 3-to-2 it wasn't what you'd call statistically significant). The election was over, my friends and readers were far away, and for various reasons I didn't feel like writing about sex anymore***. I was very busy, and not feeling particularly oppressed. And things petered out.

So why now? Excellent question class. The reasons are, as I said, not entirely different this time around. As I've gotten to know the people around me a bit better, I've repeatedly been shocked by the clashes in worldview--perhaps even more so than before. I'll get into this more in further posts, but the main thing is that I myself am having to think about these things from new angles, because some of my basic assumptions aren't shared. All of which is starting to sound a bit histrionic--I'm in ENGLAND after all, not the uncharted Amazon Rainforest. But perhaps that's whence the shock.

So, here I am, once again trying to work out how I feel about the world, about myself, about the constant negotiations between the two. Please enjoy.



*Particularly deceitful as I don't smoke.
**The first half intentional, the second half not so much. I think I just got rusty after a year off.
***Fodder for another post.

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Guest Posts! Also, Any Posts!

Hello all.

It's been a year. Hopefully some of you still have this on your blog roll and are thus reading this. Welcome back!

Prodding me into reviving this blog is the wonderful "M. Goldman"--an incredibly smart and cool feminist dude who has (re)started us off with the guest post below. Hopefully I, in turn, will be able to prod him into writing more for us in the future.

More soon. I promise.

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Auto(erotic?)backpatting

I'd just like to point out to everyone the new Surfing the Third Wave avatar. Why? Well, because it was an embarrassingly long time in the making. Please enjoy it thoroughly.

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Late-Night Idea

Let's call this my memo pad. Here's an idea to think about in the morning:

I kinda wanna start up a "Stuff Feminists Like" site. Anyone interested?

(The only entry I've got so far is "No Longer Liking Ani Difranco.")

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PS: A Promise

I SWEAR I will post soon on the feminism end of "sex and feminism." It's unfortunately easier to just write about my sex life*. But I've actually begun the long-promised post on Girlie Feminism, so fear not!


*And I am lazy whiiiiiiiine....

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Liveblogging for Alden

Now, this doesn't really count as liveblogging last night's debate, because I'm posting it now and not as the debate was happening. But, I WROTE it as the debate was happening, to my friend Alden, really without his consent, so I thought, what the hey. Please note that I tuned in a little late. Possibly an hour late? I didn't know it was happening until my mom called me, crowing about her new theory (see below). But, enjoy!

9:00 PM me: are you watching the debate?

9:02 PM Alden: no but i hear they haven't punched each other yet

me: my mom called me up

to inform me that clinton and barack have struck a deal

she tells me with authority that whichever one wins will pick the other as running mate

Alden: to make out when one of them gets nominated

really

9:03 PM me: HA

yeah

he says

rather

SHE says:

"I make deals. I know a deal when I see one."

9:04 PM Alden: !!

me: so, I'm listening to the debate rather than watching it

since I don't get CNN, but it's channel 10, it's blurred out like porn

but I can still hear

and man is obama's voice DREAMY

duh

ree

mee

9:05 PM oh man, my mom's so right

Alden: ha

me: clinton's talking in terms of, "isn't it awesome that one of us is gonna be prez?"

9:07 PM Alden: ha

who do you like for the primary

me: obama

though it's an emotional decision for me

Alden: yeah

me: clinton's like my mom

9:08 PM Alden: omg you are right

9:10 PM me: wow

someone just asked HRC the dynasty question

9:11 PM the, "I'm 30 and I've never had an election without a clinton or a bush" issue

she's dodging, obvi

but still

Alden: please answer with aplomb

aplomb dammit

me: ok

9:12 PM good retort:

"It did take a clinton to clean up after the first bush, and I think it might take another clinton to clean up after the second bush"

Alden: nice!

me: aplomb: check

8 minutes

9:21 PM Alden: omg i'm doing my taxes

how did this happen

i'm not even drinking

me: ha

she's sounding better on iraw right now

Alden: iraw indeed

;)

how are you feeling ps

9:22 PM me: OH MAN

obama said something iraq blah blah blah

and the moderator said

9:23 PM "Senator Clinton, that's a clear swipe at you"

and she said "really?"

and obama's all "swipe?"

and hrc says

"we're having such a good time up here!"

I'm feeling pretty good actually

except for my lack of corn chip

s

9:24 PM Alden: hahahaha

and now they're making out

liam found this thing online that summarizes candidates stances and tells you who you're most aligned with

it wants liam to vote for gravel

me: aw she called him barack

nice!

I keep hearing about that thing

9:25 PM oh man they're just talking about mccain, not about each other

hrc keeps saying "we"

Alden: because they're running TOGETHER

me: (please pardon my liveblogging)

Alden: omg you tootes are

9:28 PM me: this is reminding me of when nathan lane and matthew broderick were both up for tonys for the producers

and lane won and they both came out and accepted it together

that's what this is like

PRECISELY

Alden: ha

9:31 PM me: oh no!

you have brain fever!

Alden: i do??

eeek

9:32 PM me: it is apparently cured by a good night's sleep

(I heart Oregon Trail!)

9:33 PM Alden: HAHA

i can't understand facebook OT

9:35 PM me: who is this moderator?

oh, wolf

he just got booed

Alden: ha

!!

for what!

i don't like wolf

me: for asking hill to say she'd been naive

he's clearly a hill-hater

9:38 PM Alden: wolf's a douche

me: totes

9:42 PM omg

wolf's asking about sex and violence in movies and tv

9:43 PM snooooooozzzzzzeeeee

9:44 PM uh oh

Alden: BORING

me: spouses

9:45 PM they're making her account for bill

oh man and it involves someone named Greg Craig???

WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOUR KID THAT?

Alden: hahahahaha

9:46 PM the schoolyard taunts will use the nickname "pegleg"

me: HA

9:47 PM and now even wolf's saying, "you two should run together"

9:50 PM obama: "I'm sure hillary would be on anyone's shortlist"

Alden: HAHAHAHA

me: clinton: "well, I agree with everything barack just said"

Alden: omg

they're talking about sex

me: MAKE

OUT

Alden: sweaty dorm room hookup sex

9:51 PM me: is there erotica about this yet?

I was gonna say slash fic but then I remembered it wouldn't be slash

[I'm toying with posting this conversation on my blog]

9:56 PM ok

now here's what I'm thinking of doing:

buying chips

smoking a joint

Alden: both?

me: eating chips and salsa while watching Firefly DVDs

9:57 PM yeah, that's one plan

though I could pick and choose

I'll certainly do at least one of the three

(chips, pot, firefly)

Alden: haha

10:01 PM me: or am I gonna keep listening to cnn?

(while high?)

Alden: omg wolf's name will get even funnier

10:04 PM me: HA

10:06 PM on cnn they think the cordiality is strategy

no one seems to think there's a deal

10:07 PM so, my mother: visionary, or crackpot?

Alden: so liam doesn't think HRC would take VP if obama got the nom

but that obama would be stupid not to

me: yeah

and I think hrc would be stupid not to offer to obama

but I'm not sure about the other way around

10:09 PM vp hillary would be weird

10:10 PM I can't imagine her being happy with that

Alden: yeah liam said "she's going for the gold"

10:12 PM me: my mom disagrees

10:13 PM but then got off the horn hastily

maybe she was getting some post-debate action

oh my god why did I just say that?

Alden: o

mg

10:14 PM me: ok she called back

she'd hung up because she was listening to keith olbermann

10:15 PM Alden: haha
[then a bunch of stuff about Britney, mono, and Marcel the Monkey which is not really entertaining so I'm cutting it]

7 minutes

Alden: omg right

10:37 PM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGLdqvnyz6I
mitt romney's son...sort of hot? sort of gay?

10:39 PM me: yes to both, methinks

10:40 PM Alden: he could put his slippers under my bed any time, i think

10:41 PM me: HA

but does he wear the magic underwear?

Alden: only his hairdresser knows for sure

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Things I Did This Weekend

-Acted like a total crazy person and committed several elementary blogging faux pas, the evidence of which has been expurgated.
-Cried about being a crazy person. (Three times.)
-Apologized for same. (I hope sufficiently.)
-Flirted.
-Got laid! My good ol' deflowerer called me up and we had a lovely time. Dearest Sojourner is totally right about the importance of a "winter spoon"--I'd forgotten how great it is to have a warm naked man in your bed on an icy cold day!
-As a result, at least partially got over the need to make a conquest of the famed Guy I Shouldn't Fuck. I needed at any cost to get laid, or at least make out, even if I knew it was a bad idea.* But now I've had my Sex That Goes Nowhere, so I'm a little less driven to distraction. And Nowhere Man is out of sight/mind--at this point, if Nowhere Man were someone I had to see all the time, I'd probably get depressed. It sucks always being back at Square One.
-That being said, I have no will power (see: me being a crazy person). So we'll see what happens.
-Fell on first sight for yet another skinny guy in glasses, this one theatre-affiliated. We smiled at each other! Baby photos to come.
-Tried to explain to a friend why I cared if anyone thought I was a slut. Did a bad job.
-Had a totally good time at a party I was angsty about.
-Fell in love with a specific bagel, but that's really not so interesting.

Now, hopefully, I can start posting anything of substance.

*As I told Sojourner: "My two main orifices are screaming for me to step on the gas; it's just the rest of me that's whining about the speed limit."

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Reassurance

Here is a gchat conversation I had this morning:

me: I find myself posting about my life in ways that have nothing to do with feminism
Michelle: i think that's a) okay; b) not unexpected; and c) not entirely true
me: ok, good

I'm about to post a, well, post about how much I hate [redacted]

which I'm also not sure about

Michelle: i will quote you to yourself:

me: ha!

Michelle: 'What I really aim to do here is chronicle what it's like, on a day-to-day basis, being a young feminist in New York and in "today's world"'

so i think that even if the "Here Is My Feminist Point!!" doesn't quite exist in any given post

it's still part of the chronicle.

me: great

thank you

Michelle:

me: that was an excellent pep talk!

it helped that you quoted me

because I heart me

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Well-Earned Shout-Out

As you can tell, I have FINALLY figured out how to do expandable posts. Blogger makes this incredibly hard, but I managed it with the help of Hackosphere, who asks in return only that I link to their site. Hooray!

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Experiential Feminism

As you all know, this is a new blog. So it was only the other day that I realized exactly what it was that this blog is "about." In trying to explain this to two of my friends last night, the best words I could come up with were, "Experiential Feminism."

(Or maybe "experiential feminism." Capitalization might be a little much here.)

Here's what I mean: this is not a blog like the wonderful Feministing, which brings you regular news of what's going on with feminist issues around the world, forming and informing feminist theory. Nor is it a dating blog, or even as personal a blog as Diary of a Mad Blacktress. What I really aim to do here is chronicle what it's like, on a day-to-day basis, being a young feminist in New York and in "today's world"--reconciling and melding the feminist ideals I grew up on with the realities of being a woman, making my way, etc etc.

What are these ideals, you may ask? And what these contradictions? That's fodder for a longer post (or several). But here are some of the basics: both my parents are self-avowed feminists, who had the habit of giving adult answers to any question I asked, supporting me in all my endeavors, and banning from the house anything bearing the word "diet. " It was good. Then puberty hit, and life got harder. Being smart and strong and vocal, and not obsessively counting calories, suddenly seemed totally at odds with getting boys, who were suddenly interesting to me. The older I got (get), the more I struggled (struggle) with the double-whammy that girls don't get as much respect as guys, but if they DO get respect then no one wants to sleep with them. (Or so it seemed.) And when I'm bombarded with negative messages about guys, how do I even get it up* to want one? Putting aside those kind of identity issues--how do I change the injustices? How do I cope with the fury that they, and my powerlessness, cause me?

I want to write about all this and more. I want to write about my life in part to figure it out as I go, but also to demonstrate (to myself and others) that feminism is a growing, malleable thing. I want to write about the myriad different ways in which we all make it a part of our everyday lives.

Also, The Pickup Artist.


*So to speak.

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Suffragette City

Welcome, attractive reader.

As a modern sexy feminist living in that Man's World I keep hearing about, I believe in sisterhood. So I am proud to introduce this blog as kind of a sister site to that of the young, talented and black blogger, Sojourner "You Can't Handle the" Truth. So never again doubt, my friends, that sisters are doing it for themselves. After all, I have had it up to here [please imagine my hand at the top of my forehead, like Gwen Stefani in the "Just a Girl" video] with the ubiquitous meme of women hating each other, competing over men, and scratching each other with their retractable claws. (I, for one, reserve my claws for carpeted posts and people's feet moving under blankets.) I love women, even if I don't want to date them*!

[Now you guys know that I am a serious, respectable blogger because I just used the phrase "ubiquitous meme," perhaps even correctly.]

So please tune in for any and all of the following: female factoids, political ruminations, rants on men/boys, links to more experienced bloggers, philosophizing on The Pickup Artist, and tales of sex in and involving a certain city (but with more self-respect and less expensive shoes). Also occasionally some angst, cuz you can't spell 'suffragette' without "suffer." You have to rearrange the letters, though. A woman's work is never done.


*But if you'd like to fool around, we can talk.

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