As in, because I'm ripping off another one of their articles and showing it to you.
A friend of mine (hi Kyle!) emailed me with a question about sex-positive attitudes in Second Wave versus Third Wave feminism. I sent him a way-too-long email in response, but anyway: It brought me back to Carrie Hill Wilner's essay on Nerve, I, Slut, which talks about the sexual liberty that characterizes the Third Wave--and how this liberty is often twisted into something cartoonish, inauthentic, a new standard to which we must pretend to adhere.
Also, it talks about Sex and the City, and how the show did NOT represent Wilner's sexuality, or that of her friends. I have had trouble articulating this--I have mixed feelings about the show, which I find entertaining but also grating and somehow irking. Wilner puts it well:
But what really bothered me about the show was that it presumed to speak for me, the youngish urban female, and her supposedly newfound ability to Have Sex Like a Man and Use Bad Words. It was "shocking," "brutally candid," "honest." The media spoke of Sex and the City as if it were the fucking Rosetta stone of femininity — as if women could no longer understand themselves without the assistance of premium cable... According to Sex, promiscuity was a glamorous pathology, a mutation of the second X chromosome, something unnatural, temporary, alien — like obesity and cancer, an ailment of modernity that must be endured by those who yearn for the ruddy health of monogamy...I guess what I'm trying to say here is that my sexual touchstone isn't a neurotic bitch with a bikini wax.
[My emphasis.]
There is one episode that exemplifies the difference between what SATC espoused and what I did. It was called "Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl..." and Carrie's plot was that she was dating a slightly younger (late 20's?) guy who reveals he's bisexual, and has had a long-term relationship with a man (plus two with women). FIRST of all, I was alarmed by the squareness of the show's stance on male bisexuality--even Samantha says "dump him." But Carrie goes with it, and ends up at a party with all his friends, who get introductions like, "This is Sue, she's having Ryan and Bob's baby" or whatever, and who've all dated each other in various gender combinations, and Carrie's getting skeeved. Then they all play spin the bottle, and Carrie for the first time in her life has to kiss a girl--played by Alanis Morissette. The kiss isn't bad or good (Carries says it "tasted like chicken"), but she realizes this is not her scene and bails.
So, my problem? I would much rather hang with those crazy kids who freak Carrie out so much than with Carrie and her Gucci-worshipping, pseudo-enlightened friends. (And let's not even talk about Candace Bushnell herself, who just seems awful.) For one thing, I doubt any of my female friends will make it to 33 or whatever without having kissed a girl.* And while when I first saw the episode I conceded that I'd be a little weirded out to be in a social circle where everyone had dated each other, that is actually starting to become my reality so I can't complain. But the real point is, not only do these non-Carrie people have a GENUINELY open attitude about sex and sexuality, they seem to spend more time having sex than talking about it, unlike our Fab Four. I mean, spin the bottle? Awesome. Hopefully the guys made out with each other, too, but SATC would never show us THAT. (Actually, do they ever show us two guys kissing? I'm not sure.)
I did, however, love Miranda. And still do. Miranda was the actual feminist, incredibly smart, loved her job and excelled at it, had a baby and married on her terms, when she wanted to, to the best guy we meet on the show, and basically Has It All. She is also the only one who seems genuinely comfortable with both relationships AND casual sex, and manages to date a black guy with it being all, Look, She's Dating a Black Guy! And Cynthia Nixon was the best actor on the show. Her plotline in the above episode actually redeemed it for me,** as it concerned her insecurities about whether she was female enough, which is something a lot of successful women grapple with. So, kudos to her, but blah to the rest of the show for being so self-congratulatory while also being so narrow.
*Especially since I have probably already kissed them.
**And may or may not have made me cry.
There is one episode that exemplifies the difference between what SATC espoused and what I did. It was called "Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl..." and Carrie's plot was that she was dating a slightly younger (late 20's?) guy who reveals he's bisexual, and has had a long-term relationship with a man (plus two with women). FIRST of all, I was alarmed by the squareness of the show's stance on male bisexuality--even Samantha says "dump him." But Carrie goes with it, and ends up at a party with all his friends, who get introductions like, "This is Sue, she's having Ryan and Bob's baby" or whatever, and who've all dated each other in various gender combinations, and Carrie's getting skeeved. Then they all play spin the bottle, and Carrie for the first time in her life has to kiss a girl--played by Alanis Morissette. The kiss isn't bad or good (Carries says it "tasted like chicken"), but she realizes this is not her scene and bails.
So, my problem? I would much rather hang with those crazy kids who freak Carrie out so much than with Carrie and her Gucci-worshipping, pseudo-enlightened friends. (And let's not even talk about Candace Bushnell herself, who just seems awful.) For one thing, I doubt any of my female friends will make it to 33 or whatever without having kissed a girl.* And while when I first saw the episode I conceded that I'd be a little weirded out to be in a social circle where everyone had dated each other, that is actually starting to become my reality so I can't complain. But the real point is, not only do these non-Carrie people have a GENUINELY open attitude about sex and sexuality, they seem to spend more time having sex than talking about it, unlike our Fab Four. I mean, spin the bottle? Awesome. Hopefully the guys made out with each other, too, but SATC would never show us THAT. (Actually, do they ever show us two guys kissing? I'm not sure.)
I did, however, love Miranda. And still do. Miranda was the actual feminist, incredibly smart, loved her job and excelled at it, had a baby and married on her terms, when she wanted to, to the best guy we meet on the show, and basically Has It All. She is also the only one who seems genuinely comfortable with both relationships AND casual sex, and manages to date a black guy with it being all, Look, She's Dating a Black Guy! And Cynthia Nixon was the best actor on the show. Her plotline in the above episode actually redeemed it for me,** as it concerned her insecurities about whether she was female enough, which is something a lot of successful women grapple with. So, kudos to her, but blah to the rest of the show for being so self-congratulatory while also being so narrow.
*Especially since I have probably already kissed them.
**And may or may not have made me cry.
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