More On Teh Slutz

I recently posted about an essay from Nerve awhile back. I confess, I had not read it in awhile, and posted it for the sake of the Sex and the Citystuff. A few people took issue (unfortunately by email and not in the comments!) with the essay as a whole. So let's discuss.

First of all, I definitely read it that Wilner is criticizing her friends' behavior (and her own) when she discusses the sense of competition among them--'bad' behavior is praised to the point that Wilner feels she has to make her exploits sound naughtier than they were. Some people though she was endorsing this, but I strongly disagree:

But something unfortunate and inevitable has happened, which is that the freedom and beauty of the slut has been noticed, codified and replicated. Now it's not just a way to be, it's an aspiration, a point of competition. It's the girl who sees how long she can go without sleeping at her own place, like my friend Melanie. It's the girl who's trying to "collect all fifty states," like Alex, who lived down the hall from me. All this counting! Like any defined system of measurement — including the system of poodle-skirt wearing chastity — it can get oppressive.

(For the record, I don't call myself a slut. At one point I tried calling myself a playah, but that didn't feel right, either. Both terms imply a lack of respect, either for oneself or one's partners, and I don't feel like doing that even in jest. I know we're reclaiming terms and all, but I don't think my activities are strange enough to require that kind of name. As I've discussed, I have sex when I feel like it--I'm not trying to notch up that belt, but I don't deprive myself based on abstract principles.)

I agree that much of the essay is sloppy and glib, but I think at heart it's criticizing the romanticization of "sluttiness"--and there are good reasons to criticize it. The point she fails to effectively make is that there's not anything inherently wrong, or aberrant, about a woman having NSA sex, and to call that a "slut phase" is to pathologize it. It's apologetic--'oh, I know it's wrong, but there are extenuating circumstances so it's ok to do for awhile.' How bout this: don't call yourself a slut, and then you don't have to apologize for it!

Also, I don't buy the part about going to her friend's place to see her conquest of the evening. Why would the guy have come to the door with her in his boxers? He totally would've hid out in the bedroom.