Guess what this post is about!
I've talked about this a lot (in my life, not on the blog). What first put it in my head was Social Psych class sophomore year--every year our brilliant professor assigned a Day of Non-Conformity, in which we all went about doing Non-Conforming things and wrote a page about our experience. He then distributed compiled anonymous snippets of our responses, so we'd get a sense of how it affected people. Well, this happened to coincide with Halloween, and one girl wrote about how Halloween costumes exaggerated gender roles. She wasn't talking about sluttiness, but rather femininity--she dressed as a fairy, and other girls went as ballerinas and whatnot, while guys often wore macho costumes like superheroes.
I read this and thought about all my friends, and what they had worn. Male costumes included: Ziggy-era David Bowie, Barbara Bush, and Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro. Female costumes included: all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Splinter, and a pirate (which I took way too seriously). Some friends' costumes were femme, but didn't particularly emphasize the fact--the female vampire was a vampire, and female. Etc. So my basic conclusion was: I love my friends.
As for my costumes, they tend to be fictional characters who are somehow bad-ass. Usually physically (Xena, American Maid) but sometimes brainily* (Daria, Carmen Sandiego). This year my costume is uncharacteristically "cute," but I love it nonetheless, as the music video the character's is very uplifting. We are all that little bee girl. But the outfit I'm copying is that of a 10-year-old...and guess what, I'm a little older than that. I feel basically naked in the get up, but whatevs. I'm not sure how I feel about the "slutty costumes" issue. I find them lame, but that might be because I'm so into Halloween--I don't like it being used as JUST an excuse to dress slutty. My roommate was explaining** that costumes can be slutty if they're also somehow clever, and I think that's probably my stance: there's nothing wrong with wanting to look sexy, but be original at least! French maid: bad. Slutty Ghostbuster: awesome (especially on a man, which is where I saw that.) I mean, I'm annoyed by straight-from-the-wall-at-Ricky's outfits to begin with, whether they're slutty or not, so that's my bias. So if your French maid costume is HOMEMADE, I'd probably be ok with it. And if you made your own Slutty Ghostbuster, that's extra awesome.
*Yes yes Steve, not a word, I know.
**I think, it was to someone else so I missed half the conversation but she should still get the credit.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
[Some kind of clever title about Halloween and gender roles]
Back! And, Coincidentally, in Black.
Hello, Suffragettes and Suffragers!
It's been awhile. I apologize for not announcing my week off. I was busy sucking at my ACTUAL job, which as I'm sure you know takes a lot of energy. So, to get everyone up-to-date:
-I haven't asked the guy out but I might if the moment arises. (Don't wanna force it...or do it in front of my boss, cuz THAT'S pretty awkward.)
-Jezebel posted on a subject we've discussed.
-Despite my fear of dieting, I might try Weight Watchers. Mostly because Tina Fey did.
-My Halloween costume is unintentionally skimpy. Joel Stein would be so disappointed. As would a lot of other people. My own post on the subject will happen soon, and then I can link to that, too!
Speaking of things to come:
-Stuff about Buffy! And Catholicism. (Obvi.)
-Feminist of the Week (with an explanation as to why I'm dropping the "male.")
-My own thoughts on Halloween.
-I dunno, some feminist stuff probs.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Internalizing. You know, the way drinking arsenic is like internalizing.
As part of a recent post, I went back and read the Amazon online excerpts of He's Just Not That Into You. As you may remember, I took particular exception to the notion that women should never ask men out because if a man is truly into you, he will ask you out. Always. In a timely fashion. Quoth Greg Behrendt:
Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.)
As I said in my previous post, this is very annoying because most of the guys I know often DO feel nervous and shy, and generally think that asking a girl out is scary*. (That passage is also annoying because he's like "aw gee, men don't rule the world, we're not that competent!" and then uses men-ruling-the-world to support his argument.) Maybe it's a generational thing--Behrendt is 44--but as I've said, I know many couples in which the girl made the first move, many guys who are gun shy when it comes to the daunting Ask Her Out thing, and many guys who find it very cool when girls get the ball rolling.
BUT. In rereading all this, I seem to have internalized it. Yes, Susan has a crush, and her crush is flirting with her, and her friends are urging her to casually suggest the time-tested let's-get-coffee-sometime. But if he were interested in more than just flirting, wouldn't HE have made such a suggestion? This is sort of a workplace crush, and I am sort of higher-status, but just nominally. BUT STILL. Please give me your thoughts, and be brutally honest.
A little context: he is age-appropriate and may or may not know how hot he is.
*Because they are normal human beings and asking someone out is, in fact, FRICKIN' SCARY.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Mythbuster? Menstrual Edition.
This week's myth is another doesn't-apply-to-everyone kind of myth. Tell me what you think:
Period sex.
(And I don't mean screwing in Elizabethan garb.)
In the words of Vincent Chase, "It's not something I hope for, but I've done it." Now, some women don't enjoy sex during their period--things do get sensitive, after all, and cramps aren't exactly an aphrodisiac. Some women particularly like it--more lubrication, it can actually help cramps, and sometimes the hormones make a girl randier. But a lot of guys assume that blood on the field stops all play.
I tend to agree with Vince. It's something to work around, but not necessarily a problem. I wouldn't expect a guy to go down during those red-letter days*, but there's actually little interference when it comes to intercourse. So, the myth is that menstruation always means Do Not Enter. I encourage guys to be open minded, and to get laid!
*Ugh, no more well-worn euphemisms, I promise.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Hive Mentality
I was just, for some random reason, rereading an old Nerve book review about one of those novels in which men are awful and this is cool because it's just being honest about how all men are awful. The book review doesn't really make it clear whether anyone should read this book, but it linked me to a letter that the book's editor sent out (which led to a whole other shenanigan) that began thusly:
This reminded me of the 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back because I thumbed through He's Just Not That Into You. While I don't find the concept of this latter book so repulsive, here's why I threw it down in disgust: what's with this conceit that all guys are the same? It seems to make sense until you think for a second and ask yourself...how could you possibly know whether or not all guys are the same? What if some guys were different and you JUST DIDN'T KNOW THEM? And other things to that affect. Do I claim to know with certainty how all women think? No. And yet I'm looked upon with a derisive chuckle if I dare to think that some guys are not necessarily like some other guys. Whatsisname who wrote The Average American Male and whatsisname who wrote He's Just Not That Into You know guys who are like them. They clearly don't know most of MY guy friends, who have meangingful long-term relationships with women they love and desire. (Unless OHMYGOD THEY ARE LIVING A LIE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SOCIETY WANTS OBVI!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE AWESOME GIRL YOU THINK LIKE BUT REALLY DON'T, TRUST ME!!!!) Ahem. So where does this come from, this condescending attitude that if you think there are some guys who actually like love, you're foolin' yourself babe?
(Full disclosure, I did in fact read ALL of Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him, Either. What can I say, it was a bad January. And that book was written by a guy who was all, Hey, some of us like relationships, so stop wasting time with the jerks who, rather than being LIKE ALL MEN, are jerks! Cuz jerks are jerks! So that was cool.)
More on the F Word
Jezebel reports on a new study finding that feminism helps heterosexual relationships, feminists have better sex lives, feminists date more and more seriously, etc etc. This is all awesome. The reason I'm telling you this in the context of Jezebel is that they have a weird little mini-debate in which two of their editors--one a "feminist" and one "not"--talk about how feminists have it better. A quote from the self-described non-feminist:
WTF does this mean? That only feminists care about how they look--and that all of them do, because looking hot is what feminism's about? This makes no sense. I don't get it. It makes me sad when people cook up these weird definitions of feminism.
Probably she is just trying to twist her life to fit into what the post is trying to say. Like, "we need a non-feminist...hmm...I don't listen to Bikini Kill or hate frat boys so I guess I count...and I guess I could have a better love life? Because of, uh, stuff! Yeah, that's it, stuff."
Weird, Jezebel. Weird. And you guys are normally so great!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Male Feminist of the Week! "You'll Probably Hate Me" Edition
I know you've been wondering all weekend: who will be this week's Male Feminist? I know your game. Constantly refreshing your web browser in the hopes I might post early, setting up office pools as to who the lucky fellow would be. Well, your long painful wait is over! The newest Male Feminist of the Week is...
I know, I know, I know: What??? Freud???
Simmer down now.
So, yes, there was the whole "penis envy" thing, the "masculinity complex," the unfortunate "women who like clitoral stimulation are neurotic" theory. But this is what I've always held: Freud did great things for women. Like all people who are ahead of their time, Freud was still a product of his time--back in his day, even concepts of female anatomywere phallocentric and inaccurate, with diagrams of the uterus and ovaries looking like an inverted penis and testicles [trying to find an image; not doing so well]. My main point has always been this: Freud pioneered the radical idea that maybe someone should start talking to women. Asking them questions! Ascribing value to their thoughts and feelings! Figuring out why they had the troubles that they had*! Most of his patients were women, and he respected their pain. Even more progressively, he convinced the Western world that women had natural sexual desires that were as healthy and vital as men's**.
Freud got a lot wrong about women. Freud, frankly, said a lot crazy shit. But he was inventing a new way of looking at life, and was bound to fuck up a little. And he also admitted that in order for the world to truly understand female sexuality, we would have to wait for the female psychoanalysts. He knew he had shortcomings. And his shortcomings were far outweighed by the attention he paid to a long-ignored gender.
It's hip to hate on Freud, especially in our generation. I think most people who hate on him know little about him. There are certainly things in his oeuvre to roll your eyes at, but he took major steps forward in terms of Western culture's understanding of the female gender. He is my homeboy. I hope he will be yours.
*For heaven's sake, women were running around smelling burnt pudding that wasn't there!
**He also was insistent that homosexuality is innate, incurable, totally healthy and in general peachy keen, which was good for men and women alike. ("It is a great injustice to persecute homosexuality as a crime, and cruelty too.")
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