On Confidence

As you may somehow have guessed, I got laid this weekend--specifically Friday night. This was awesome for all the usual reasons, but also had an unexpected positive side effect. You see, on Saturday I FINALLY, after (no joke) a year-and-a-half of trying, got my friends to go out dancing at an indie club. I was psyched (and left my comrades with no option but to be psyched themselves), but I also had not been out partying for sometime*. I have very little idea what the kids are wearing to clubs these days, had never been to this venue, etc etc. But I had some weapons to bolster my psychitude--in addition to having on my FIRST EVER pair of skinny jeans, I proudly bore the knowledge that I'd just gotten some.

It was unexpectedly freeing. While I kept my eye out for a make-out buddy, all pressure was off. For one thing, I was too SORE to take anyone home with me**. And when I didn't really find anyone to make out with, since the club was a total sushi fest*** and this one semi-cute guy in a Hendrix shirt couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted to dance with me, there was basically no feeling of rejection. I remember flopping down next to my roommate to rest my feet and saying, "I mean, I don't look THAT fat, do I?" Which got me a deservedly pointed look, but I kind of meant it. I DIDN'T feel unattractive. It was hard to care what anyone there thought, when I could truthfully say, "This morning I fucked someone a hundred times cooler than anyone in this club."

This is both awesome and problematic. Confidence is good, but do I have to get laid every time I want to go out dancing? And, no less, by someone a 100 times cooler than anyone else? Cuz that's, like, a lot cooler, and tall experimental musicians don't grow on trees****. Surely I don't need the lingering scent of rock star jizz in my nose just to have a good time?

Probably not. I'm hoping to get people out again next Friday, and busy as I am it's not likely that I'll pick anyone up before then. Which probably will intensify the urge to meet someone at the club, but if not? Hopefully I'll be able to remember what it was like on Saturday to have a great time with my friends and feel hot regardless of what the guys around me were doing. Maybe it's unfortunate that I needed the armor of recent screwing not to end up in a pout, but that's life--one step at a time. Soon enough I won't even need skinny jeans to feel cool.

Preferably: REALLY soon. Those things are kind of scary.



*It's all very "The Good Life" by Weezer.
**Of course, I've said this before, and taken people home with me nonetheless. Yeah Party Night Trifecta!
***Yes, I'm trying to make that a thing.
****But imagine such a tree!