Feministe has a great post up about why it's important to call out anti-Clinton misogyny, regardless of whom you support. An excerpt:
I’m focusing on the misogynistic stuff thrown at Clinton because this, as you may recall, is a feminist blog. And while there are hundreds if not thousands of other blogs as well as entire networks and mainstream media outlets rushing to the defense of Obama (thus rendering anything I have to say pretty well redundant), there are few outlets calling out misogynistic attacks on Clinton and/or on her supporters. And it matters that somebody’s calling it out. It’s got nothing to do with who’s the better candidate, who should win, the “delegate math,” or what have you. Vote for whomever you feel like voting for; I’ve been on record from the beginning of the primary that feminists don’t have to vote for Clinton to be feminists, since feminists get to make up their minds the same as anyone else does.
Read it. At least read some of it. It's really important, and tackles several issues, especially that of how such misogyny affects women in general.
Now it's personal experience time! I have a friend who is totally smart and not an asshole provided he's sober, but apparently decides to change things up when he's drunk and/or high. (What I'm about to describe is the only first-hand experience I have of this, so I'm not trying to comment on his character.) Basically the argument was over whether it's okay to call Clinton a bitch. He was high and not responding to anything I said so I eventually just left, but I will give you lucky readers the answer to this question:
No, it is not okay. Asshole.
It doesn't matter what you think of her. It doesn't matter if she is a bitch*. You don't say that about women in politics, you don't say that about women in power, you preferably don't say that about women, period. I came up with a great linguistic example (by which no one seems impressed except me, but I am way impressed so whatever): the word "niggard." Etymologically, it has nothing to do with the infamous N-word, but it unfailingly brings that word to mind so you really just shouldn't use it in public, not because of its meaning but because of its connotations.
Maybe this example doesn't impress my friends because it's really a debate tactic aimed at people who don't know they're being sexist. Because "bitch" is misogynist in both origin and typical usage, whereas "niggard" is racist in neither. Perhaps a better example is that you shouldn't call women "hysterical" because of the sexist origins of the term**, but to care you'd pretty much have to not be a misogynist in the first place. This friend was actually insisting that bitch is not a sexist word, ever. But like I said, he was high--when sober, he probably remembers that the word literally means "female dog." He also argued that he sometimes calls men bitches--I tried pointing out that people call men bitches for different sets of behavior than for women, and the thrust of the insult is that you're saying that the man is a woman. Which is, as we all know, A TERRIBLE THING TO BE.
Not that you have to like Clinton. This friend of mine's stance is still "Anyone but McCain!" whereas this other dude in the conversation took the horrifying stance "If Clinton wins I'll vote McCain." There are only two reasons to support McCain: 1) you hate women, and 2) you're a Republican, which means you hate women anyway so there you have it. There's also the possible 3rd reason that you're an independent and don't actually know anything ABOUT McCain, but if you're any sort of Democrat and prefer him to Clinton, I have this to say: dude, I'm sorry you hate your mommy and everything, but do you have to take it out on the rest of us? Do you really hate vaginas so much that you want to force mine to give birth regardless of my wishes? Douche.***
And that's The Word.
*And btdubs, I have never been given any evidence that she is a bitch. A politician? Yes. A bitch? Fuck you.
**From the Greek for "wandering uterus," a condition that was ascribed to women in explanation of "madness." In the 19th century it was used as a catch-all diagnosis for any issue a woman was having, and was sometimes treated with clitoral stimulation, which would result in a "hysterical paroxysm," something we're all fond of. (Vibrators eventually came into use because doctors' hands got tired. No joke.) Freud led the transition from hysteria to neurosis, which was a non-gendered term he used to discuss male and female patients alike, and now the term is not recognized by the psychological community, as it is not only sexist but vague and not particularly helpful diagnostically.
***A douche is, of course, a gendered product, but it's a bad one, so the insult is valid.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Fuck The Clever Post Titles: Just Don't Call Clinton A Bitch, Okay? Awesome. Glad We Had This Talk
Monday, February 4, 2008
Breaking News In Teargate
I actually started this post awhile ago, and am reviving it now because Clinton's getting more heat for once again showing emotion--this time there was liquid actually in her eyes! It was again in response to someone saying something touching, and the backlash is again swinging between "she's too weak to lead" and "she's faking it, that Machiavel." Shouldn't we all be over this by now? Le sigh.
It occurs to me that, while I've mentioned crying several times, I haven't really talked about the phenomenon. I remember an episode of Sex and the City (I know, I know) in which the ladies talked about mens' fear that they'd start crying at work. Someone asks Miranda, "Haven't you ever cried over a brief?" and she says, "Yes, in the privacy of my office." Later in the episode, Samantha (a stranger to the phenomenon) cries after a job interview in which the perspective boss says he can't hire her because of her sexual history. She tells him off, and manages to make it into the elevator just before the tears escape. She gets the job.
Anyway. My theory is, some people are cryers. I definitely am--and it's a total nuisance. But yeah, it probably won't shock you to learn that I don't think crying is a terrible thing or something to be ashamed of. Sometimes we might feel a little ashamed, because we're human and crying is not always fun, but all in all, who cares? Men should cry more. It's very therapeutic.
Every now and then I think about who has actually seen me cry. I cry a fair bit--not ALL the time, maybe once a week on average, and sometimes it's just a few tears of frustration rather than full-on waterworks. But it's interesting making a list of people who've seen me CRY cry. Certainly anyone who's ever stage managed for me. I think my roommate has seen me flat-out cry four times, if last weekend counts. My college friends, back when I drank way more and we were all involved in each other's business, probably caught me weeping every other weekend*, but otherwise I THINK that the vast majority of my crying is private. I call it "watering the couch." So if you see me cry, you're either close to me, or have somehow backed me into a serious corner**.
Then there's crying at work. At this job, no one has ever caught me crying, and it's only even happened a few times. At my job in Texas it happened once, in front of my boss, and it was AWFUL--mostly because I had no idea why I was crying. It was a slightly tense conversation, but I didn't even feel like I was crying--more like my eyes were mysteriously leaking. I realized later that it was the first time ANYONE in Texas had seen me cry. That thought was a little depressing...it meant I wasn't close enough with anyone to really let go.
So, Leave Hillary Alone!
*Hi Michelle!
**Or you're my poor Psych Research Methods professor and Bush has just won re-election. She was very nice about it.
Modern Love: The Beta Version
Ada Calhoun of Nerve has an interesting little piece comparing the Clinton and Obama marriages. It is usually annoying when people analyze the Clintons' relationship from afar, mostly because of the sexism involved and also because of how speculative the endeavor is, but I like this piece. First of all, it's sympathetic and equal-opportunity, and also because it actually has something interesting to say. I quote:
"[The Clintons] have an absolutely typical Boomer union, a rickety first-generation prototype of the modern marriage. They were early adopters of this "equal partnership" thing, so while they deserve all credit for having pioneered, their marriage is the romantic equivalent of the Apple IIe."
Whearas, according to Calhoun, the Obamas represent the future of equal-partner marriage. The comparison isn't actually a good one, because whether or not Michelle supports Barack is very different than whether or not Bill supports Hillary--a political wife, no matter how independent, is expected to support her candidate husband. There's nothing new there. Still, I appreciate the possible insight into Billary--that he would want to support her, that he would know all the theory, but that he's still a man of his time. And I like that someone believes they actually love each other.
And if she's right about the Obamas, that's encouraging for the rest of us.
[Insert stuff here about how much better my dad is than Bill--my mom likes to say "he's more a feminist than I am." But on the other hand he's about 3 years too old to technically be a Baby Boomer, so maybe that comparison doesn't work either.]
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